Mehadrin Min HaMehadrin Buses

The following press release was just issued from the offices of the Rabbinical Transportation Committee (Va'ad HaRabani Leman Kedushas HaTachburah). We are pleased to offer this exclusive preview of the latest Daas Torah pronouncement.

FROM THE COLLECTIVE MIND OF THE GEDOLEI HADOR, MORONON V'ROBONON:

We first wish to congratulate the holy and pure Chareidi public for their efforts on behalf of TorahTrue™ transportation. Over the years, we have worked hard to establish mehadrin bus lines that conform to the timeless and holy practices of our ancestors. By ensuring that women board using the rear door and remain confined to the back of the bus, we are protecting our pure children and adults from being faced by the numerous spiritual stumbling blocks that are posed by the lewd and lascivious sight of an elderly Hasidic grandmother in all her untoothed, beshawled glory.

But this is not enough. Even mehadrin bus lines leave the Chareidi public vulnerable to potent spiritual damage. Besides for the forbidden mingling of the sexes (this leads to mixed dancing), cultural and social intermingling is also strictly prohibited (this leads to tan pants).

Therefore, moronon v'robonon, in their inestimable wisdom have established the following seating rules for the God-fearing and pure Chareidi public:

1) Front - Driver (Obviously male, preferably non-Jew. No Jew should be working! Sephardim may apply)
2) First Section A - Litvish Chareidim (bearded)
3) First Section B - Litvish Chareidim (clean shaven)
4) Second Section A - Chassidim (wealthy ones and Rebbes)
5) Second Section B - Other Chassidim (except for Chabad and Breslov)
6) Third Section A - Sephardim (rich Syrians only)
7) Third Section B - Other Sephardim (no Yemenites please)
8) Fourth Section - Russians and fair-skinned immigrants
9) Fifth Section - Darkies

As can be seen from this list, women are no longer allowed on Mehardin Min HaMehadrin Buses. Riding a bus is much like riding a horse or a bicycle - an activity that is completely inappropriate for a true Bas Yisrael. Women, while supporting their husbands in kollel, must remain in their houses, caring for their children and family.

Any comments or questions can be forwarded to the Rabbinical Transportation Committee and they will... Who are we kidding? We don't care what you think.

J.D.