Yated Survey Part II

As we discussed earlier this week, the online edition of the Yated Ne'eman posted a survey. Truly a watershed moment - the Yated was stooping to the regular "pashute yidden" to ask for their opinion. Yep, "public opinion." Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

As a civic-minded individual, I have decided to fill out the Yated's survey. Instead of emailing it to the good commissars at the Yated, I will post it here at chareidi.com instead. I know they read it.

The original text of the feedback form is posted below in bold; my responses are in regular type.

FEEDBACK We would appreciate a little feedback on our site. We are interested to read whatever you have to say [snort! -J.D.], but may we suggest that you address one or more of the following:

* How often do you visit?
Daily. No, hourly. I await, with great anticipation and much consternation, your weekly updates. I have been known to browse your archives for minutes at a time, searching for that perfect piece, that vintage Yated screed, combining ignorance, arrogance and scathing criticism for those who question the infallibility of the Yated. (Many such gems have been unearthed).

* Which category of article is of greatest interest to you? (You can choose as many as you wish.) 1] News; 2] Calendar; 3] Divrei Torah; 4] Criticism of others
The Yated wants me to select the category of article that is of "greatest interest" to me. At the same time, I am told that I can choose as many as I wish.

Okay. Let's get this straight: greatest... as many as I wish. Hmm... maybe I'm missing something: greatest... as many as I wish. Perhaps who ever authored this survey needs to take a primary school grammar lesson (or is it a grammar school primary lesson?) in superlatives. Oh the joys of an elementary school secular education.

1] News - Well I do like news. However,"news" is a bit too neutral of a term to describe the Yated's weekly reports. I would describe it as "selective reporting, intended for the ignorant peasant masses, filtered through the political and religious agenda of the Yated's controlling overlords." Or something like that.

2] Calendar - I didn't even know you had a calendar. Perhaps you give the days of the week funny names. I could mock that. I'll have to look into it.

3] Divrei Torah - Yawn... Sometimes they contain historical distortions, outright lies and profoundly stupid comments. I suppose those are somewhat interesting to me.

4] Criticism of others - Yippee!! These are my absolute, 100%, number one favorites. In fact Yated, they are the "greatest." They are my bread and butter. You see, it is often in these "criticism of others" pieces where you reveal the depth of your own intolerance and insularity. Please, sir, I want some more.

* Do you have any suggestions for our site?
Just three simple suggestions: More bile. More vitriol. More updates.

* Is it important to you that our site continue?
Important? It is absolutely crucial to me! Truthfully, now that I have branched out into other forms of Chareidi mockery, I would not be devastated if you did not continue. Displeased but not devastated.

Yours very sincerely,
J.D.

P.S. If any chareidi.com readers would like to suggest their own responses to the Yated survey, feel free to do so in the comments below.